Rockin With the Oldies

Monica aka couch warrior here...


I've spent the last few weeks doing a little traveling up and down the east coast (I'm actually waiting for USAir to send me a little certificate voting me as their most frequent/dependent traveler). I would love to say that it has all been for fun, but when you’re an only child with elderly parents, you end up being the wearer of many different hats. In my case I am all things related to moving, cleaning, care taking, decorating/ handy many and laborious (note I did not go to college to become a trained electrical engineer or an interior decorator so I am not sure why they find it so incredulous that I am not able to pick out, install and wire their new fans and lighting system).

So while on my journey's I have had the privilege and insight to train with some of the other team in training groups along the east coast (because there is nooooo way that I would be doing a 9 or 10 mile run on my own). These experiences have exposed me to the differential demographic compositions of the TNT teams and have offered me new insight into my own ridiculousness, while also allowing me to help build the self esteem of many other runners AND walkers in my wake.

The most recent expose into my running conundrums was conducted in Naples, Florida. Home of vast white sandy beaches, beautiful palm trees and an armada of Lincoln town cars, Buicks and boat sized Cadillac’s.

My first running experience down there was on a Thursday evening. The community my parents have a house in is very large with superb lighting and continuous walkways (excellent for all things seated and motorized). I headed out for my run at 8pm, confident that I would be relatively alone (since most house lights in the area go dim around that time). It was a nice easy 3 mile jaunt and the scenery was amazing. My legs felt like lead weights being dragged along behind me, but their discomfort was outweighed by the majestic swaying of the palm trees in the cool breeze of the night air, and the glistening of the moons reflection off the vast array of manmade pond-lakes. I thought to myself; "If this is what Saturday's run is like, I'm set!!"

Of course this is my life sooooo what I envisioned and what the reality was were not exactly on par with one another. Saturday morning I pulled up to the Crabby Shack's parking lot in Old Naples, excited to meet my host running mates. At first glance I was convinced that I had read my e-mail from the team coach wrong, and that I had invaded a group of assisted living patrons out on their weekly field trip (albeit awkwardly dressed in spandex and in a few cases some obscenely shorty short running shorts).

I hesitated for a few minutes after parking my car.......I mean really, who wants to be responsible for recessitating a group of eager elderly do gooder's as their pacemakers conk out while running?!?!?!?

But on the positive side I'm sure to be the front runner with this group sooooo...I grabbed my handy dandy water/fanny pack and set out to meet the group. There were 33 people in total, 21 walkers and 12 runners. The age group of the participants started with me as the youngest at 28 and then jumped 32 years to Ron a zesty 60 years old "Iron Man" participant....ummm....errrrr....woops......maybe I miss calculated this group! There were several other gentlemen in their 60's, all former executives and former competitive runners and three other women (one of them use to be a miss universe weight lifter!!) who would be running with me (ummmmmm FANTASTIC!!!). The walking group was comprised of many spunky 70 year olds (who are more active now than I think I have ever been) and a super tenacious 82 year old man who after double hip replacement was trying to "get back in to shape" by participating in the walk with his daughter (one of the woman I was to run with) who is a leukemia survivor.

After introductions and some good stretching we headed out on our run. The route was designed to travel around the water’s edge, through the marina/condo area of old Naples, through what I like to call "Newport Row" a residential area on the water jam packed with mansions that would make even the Vanderbilt's jealous, to the beginning of the state park beaches and then up the coast. It was definitely the most beautiful route I've ever run but because of the location and the area we were in, pretty congested. There were loads of morning walkers (including actual METAL walkers and motorized scooters) crowding the sidewalks so for most of the run we were confined to single file on the roads.

I started out at a nice easy pace, testing the waters to see how the group would perform. I was mid pack running behind Hank, a chatty 68 year old recent transplant from Boston, (one of my favorite cities so we had loads to chat about). I opted to confine my cursing to my head, seeing that I was in the midst of mixed company and did not want to be recognized in anyone’s evening prayer's (Bless that poor profane child for her continuous blasphemy, she knows not what she does....), but found that at the end of the second mile I was getting to winded to continue small talk while trying to veer away from oncoming swerving vespa's.

As we turned out of the mayhem of downtown Old Naples onto "Newport row", I began to feel my inner competitive drive spark as several of the taller, leaner and grayer runner's passed by me with a smile and a wave. I smiled back, while internally my head was screaming HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

By now I was travelling at the back of the runner's pack with a few of the speed walkers creeping up on me from behind. The fear of being taken over by the walkers forced my legs into overdrive and I started sprinting. By the time I passed the first mansion on Newport Row, my heartbeat was ringing in my ear drums! I was pushing myself so much that the sweat was actually dripping from my forehead into my eyes......EWWWWWW!

As I rounded the next corner I realized that I had made some headway on the group in front of me and I could no longer see the walking group behind me, so I started to slow down. PHEWWWW!!! I stopped for a moment to wrestle my handy water bottle out of the holder in my fanny pack when all of a sudden I heard a giant HISSSSSSSSSSSSSING sound. HUH??? OHHHHHHHHHHHH #$%&!!!! In an instant just as my mind put together what the noise was I was soaked! The mcmansion I was running past had an automatic sprinkler system that I had perfectly positioned myself in front of!!!! It was a little more hydration than I was looking for....hehe.

So water logged and tired I returned to running and pumped up the volume on some old school Warren G and began singing to REGULATOR at the top of my lungs. LOVE YA NEIGHBORS, THANKS FOR THE SHOWER!!!

By mile 7 my wet shorts were beginning to chafe causing a stream of excuses to spin through my head.......

1) Who comes to Florida to only get a change in color from chaffing, not sun????

2) Palm trees mean relaxing days of laying on beaches with pretty umbrella drinks not built-up cocktails of lactic acid and joint pain!!

3) Aren't there gators here???? Wouldn't that make the worst headline ever....Chubby Runner Mauled By Hungry Gatore!!!!

These thoughts engulfed my consciousness for the remainder of the run, like a skipping CD. But the thoughts were so consuming that I didn't realize I had completed my last few miles until I saw the bridge in front of me that would lead me back to the Crabby Shack. The minute I entered the parking lot I collapsed on the hood of my car. DONE!!!!

In the end, because of a certain sprinkler incidence that caused me to lose sight of the runners ahead of me, I ran 9.5 miles of a 9 mile run. YIPPEEE!!! I managed to keep just ahead of the walkers, with the kind 82 year old man with the hip replacements coming in slightly behind me. I met some lovely new people and learned not to judge a book by its cover (unless you want to be eating that cover's dust as it peels out in front of you!!), and to lookout for all things water related when running!! Not bad for a Saturday morning, Can't wait to see what my next run brings ;)