Monica aka couch warrior here...
I've spent the last few weeks doing a little traveling up and down the east coast (I'm actually waiting for USAir to send me a little certificate voting me as their most frequent/dependent traveler). I would love to say that it has all been for fun, but when you’re an only child with elderly parents, you end up being the wearer of many different hats. In my case I am all things related to moving, cleaning, care taking, decorating/ handy many and laborious (note I did not go to college to become a trained electrical engineer or an interior decorator so I am not sure why they find it so incredulous that I am not able to pick out, install and wire their new fans and lighting system).
So while on my journey's I have had the privilege and insight to train with some of the other team in training groups along the east coast (because there is nooooo way that I would be doing a 9 or 10 mile run on my own). These experiences have exposed me to the differential demographic compositions of the TNT teams and have offered me new insight into my own ridiculousness, while also allowing me to help build the self esteem of many other runners AND walkers in my wake.
The most recent expose into my running conundrums was conducted in Naples, Florida. Home of vast white sandy beaches, beautiful palm trees and an armada of Lincoln town cars, Buicks and boat sized Cadillac’s.
My first running experience down there was on a Thursday evening. The community my parents have a house in is very large with superb lighting and continuous walkways (excellent for all things seated and motorized). I headed out for my run at 8pm, confident that I would be relatively alone (since most house lights in the area go dim around that time). It was a nice easy 3 mile jaunt and the scenery was amazing. My legs felt like lead weights being dragged along behind me, but their discomfort was outweighed by the majestic swaying of the palm trees in the cool breeze of the night air, and the glistening of the moons reflection off the vast array of manmade pond-lakes. I thought to myself; "If this is what Saturday's run is like, I'm set!!"
Of course this is my life sooooo what I envisioned and what the reality was were not exactly on par with one another. Saturday morning I pulled up to the Crabby Shack's parking lot in Old Naples, excited to meet my host running mates. At first glance I was convinced that I had read my e-mail from the team coach wrong, and that I had invaded a group of assisted living patrons out on their weekly field trip (albeit awkwardly dressed in spandex and in a few cases some obscenely shorty short running shorts).
I hesitated for a few minutes after parking my car.......I mean really, who wants to be responsible for recessitating a group of eager elderly do gooder's as their pacemakers conk out while running?!?!?!?
But on the positive side I'm sure to be the front runner with this group sooooo...I grabbed my handy dandy water/fanny pack and set out to meet the group. There were 33 people in total, 21 walkers and 12 runners. The age group of the participants started with me as the youngest at 28 and then jumped 32 years to Ron a zesty 60 years old "Iron Man" participant....ummm....errrrr....woops......maybe I miss calculated this group! There were several other gentlemen in their 60's, all former executives and former competitive runners and three other women (one of them use to be a miss universe weight lifter!!) who would be running with me (ummmmmm FANTASTIC!!!). The walking group was comprised of many spunky 70 year olds (who are more active now than I think I have ever been) and a super tenacious 82 year old man who after double hip replacement was trying to "get back in to shape" by participating in the walk with his daughter (one of the woman I was to run with) who is a leukemia survivor.
After introductions and some good stretching we headed out on our run. The route was designed to travel around the water’s edge, through the marina/condo area of old Naples, through what I like to call "Newport Row" a residential area on the water jam packed with mansions that would make even the Vanderbilt's jealous, to the beginning of the state park beaches and then up the coast. It was definitely the most beautiful route I've ever run but because of the location and the area we were in, pretty congested. There were loads of morning walkers (including actual METAL walkers and motorized scooters) crowding the sidewalks so for most of the run we were confined to single file on the roads.
I started out at a nice easy pace, testing the waters to see how the group would perform. I was mid pack running behind Hank, a chatty 68 year old recent transplant from Boston, (one of my favorite cities so we had loads to chat about). I opted to confine my cursing to my head, seeing that I was in the midst of mixed company and did not want to be recognized in anyone’s evening prayer's (Bless that poor profane child for her continuous blasphemy, she knows not what she does....), but found that at the end of the second mile I was getting to winded to continue small talk while trying to veer away from oncoming swerving vespa's.
As we turned out of the mayhem of downtown Old Naples onto "Newport row", I began to feel my inner competitive drive spark as several of the taller, leaner and grayer runner's passed by me with a smile and a wave. I smiled back, while internally my head was screaming HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
By now I was travelling at the back of the runner's pack with a few of the speed walkers creeping up on me from behind. The fear of being taken over by the walkers forced my legs into overdrive and I started sprinting. By the time I passed the first mansion on Newport Row, my heartbeat was ringing in my ear drums! I was pushing myself so much that the sweat was actually dripping from my forehead into my eyes......EWWWWWW!
As I rounded the next corner I realized that I had made some headway on the group in front of me and I could no longer see the walking group behind me, so I started to slow down. PHEWWWW!!! I stopped for a moment to wrestle my handy water bottle out of the holder in my fanny pack when all of a sudden I heard a giant HISSSSSSSSSSSSSING sound. HUH??? OHHHHHHHHHHHH #$%&!!!! In an instant just as my mind put together what the noise was I was soaked! The mcmansion I was running past had an automatic sprinkler system that I had perfectly positioned myself in front of!!!! It was a little more hydration than I was looking for....hehe.
So water logged and tired I returned to running and pumped up the volume on some old school Warren G and began singing to REGULATOR at the top of my lungs. LOVE YA NEIGHBORS, THANKS FOR THE SHOWER!!!
By mile 7 my wet shorts were beginning to chafe causing a stream of excuses to spin through my head.......
1) Who comes to Florida to only get a change in color from chaffing, not sun????
2) Palm trees mean relaxing days of laying on beaches with pretty umbrella drinks not built-up cocktails of lactic acid and joint pain!!
3) Aren't there gators here???? Wouldn't that make the worst headline ever....Chubby Runner Mauled By Hungry Gatore!!!!
These thoughts engulfed my consciousness for the remainder of the run, like a skipping CD. But the thoughts were so consuming that I didn't realize I had completed my last few miles until I saw the bridge in front of me that would lead me back to the Crabby Shack. The minute I entered the parking lot I collapsed on the hood of my car. DONE!!!!
In the end, because of a certain sprinkler incidence that caused me to lose sight of the runners ahead of me, I ran 9.5 miles of a 9 mile run. YIPPEEE!!! I managed to keep just ahead of the walkers, with the kind 82 year old man with the hip replacements coming in slightly behind me. I met some lovely new people and learned not to judge a book by its cover (unless you want to be eating that cover's dust as it peels out in front of you!!), and to lookout for all things water related when running!! Not bad for a Saturday morning, Can't wait to see what my next run brings ;)
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Is it wrong???
Jennifer here
Star date 03022010 19:07:00
During my training, I have A LOT time ALONE in my head. This time alone can be dangerous! The following list is a mere sampling of what has been dilly dallying around in my brain during my last few runs.
Is it wrong?
1. To think about donuts 5 miles into an 8+ mile run?
2. To curse like a drunken sailor while running?
3. To be annoyed with the powers that be for being give such short legs? I mean it takes me twice as many steps to cover the same distance as my 6 foot like 5 inch coach?
4. Having said # 3, is it wrong to think that I am actually running twice the distance? So, will I really run 52.4 miles and not 26.2????
5. To have a rum and coke after and evening 3 to 4 mile run?
6. To pick my undies out of my butt while running in public and NOT give a rat’s ass who sees me?
7. To only own ONE $50 sports bra that I am forced to wash every day because I am too cheap to buy another one?
8. To talk on my cell phone while running?
9. To be jealous of my female team mates who’s thighs don’t rub in the middle?
10.To be annoyed that after a MONTH of running I STILL have cottage cheese thighs!!! ACK!!!!
11. To come up with reasons why you need to quit @ THAT moment in the middle of a run such as:
a. You just realized you have a concrete phobia.
b. The hole that your dog ate in your sock has now migrated and your baby toe is being rubbed raw.
c. You forgot to wash your favorite sports bra & the one you have on isn’t giving you the support you need?
d. You just remembered that you are supposed to be part of a sleep study and you MUST go back to bed NOW.
e. It seemed like a good idea when you decided to check running a marathon off your bucket list & signed up… now…. Where is my CREDIT CARD??? I will pay the difference to my $ goal. I want to STOP!
f. Your doctor was right, your knees AREN’T happy about your running.
g. You proclaim you have to POOP! You don’t have to poop, but NO ONE will question it because they will be SO MORTIFIED that you said it OUT LOUD!!!! TMI!!!
IS IT WRONG??????
Star date 03022010 19:07:00
During my training, I have A LOT time ALONE in my head. This time alone can be dangerous! The following list is a mere sampling of what has been dilly dallying around in my brain during my last few runs.
Is it wrong?
1. To think about donuts 5 miles into an 8+ mile run?
2. To curse like a drunken sailor while running?
3. To be annoyed with the powers that be for being give such short legs? I mean it takes me twice as many steps to cover the same distance as my 6 foot like 5 inch coach?
4. Having said # 3, is it wrong to think that I am actually running twice the distance? So, will I really run 52.4 miles and not 26.2????
5. To have a rum and coke after and evening 3 to 4 mile run?
6. To pick my undies out of my butt while running in public and NOT give a rat’s ass who sees me?
7. To only own ONE $50 sports bra that I am forced to wash every day because I am too cheap to buy another one?
8. To talk on my cell phone while running?
9. To be jealous of my female team mates who’s thighs don’t rub in the middle?
10.To be annoyed that after a MONTH of running I STILL have cottage cheese thighs!!! ACK!!!!
11. To come up with reasons why you need to quit @ THAT moment in the middle of a run such as:
a. You just realized you have a concrete phobia.
b. The hole that your dog ate in your sock has now migrated and your baby toe is being rubbed raw.
c. You forgot to wash your favorite sports bra & the one you have on isn’t giving you the support you need?
d. You just remembered that you are supposed to be part of a sleep study and you MUST go back to bed NOW.
e. It seemed like a good idea when you decided to check running a marathon off your bucket list & signed up… now…. Where is my CREDIT CARD??? I will pay the difference to my $ goal. I want to STOP!
f. Your doctor was right, your knees AREN’T happy about your running.
g. You proclaim you have to POOP! You don’t have to poop, but NO ONE will question it because they will be SO MORTIFIED that you said it OUT LOUD!!!! TMI!!!
IS IT WRONG??????
Monday, March 1, 2010
Feel the Rhythm, Feel the Rhyme
The night before our first distance run I had an endless stream of Nike "Just Do It" commercials flowing through my subconscious. They were visions of women athletes, pounding the pavement, sand or hiking trail, effortlessly jogging at extraordinary speeds, in perfect form, through the desserts of Arizona, the mountains of Oregon, the sidewalks of Manhattan, or the beaches of Florida. "That's how I want to look out there," is the mantra that kept playing over and over in my head.
Of course reality is a world away from my subconscious and the actual visual affects of me running are like a comical skit from the Cohen brothers. I'm not sleek like a gazelle; I'm more of a water buffalo. You are almost guaranteed to hear an insane amount of cursing for the first mile or so, until my breathing begins to interfere with my cursing. I'm profoundly klutzy so at any moment you might be able to catch a glimpse of me tripping over an imaginary rock or flying sideways off the curb (this happens VERY OFTEN). Thank goodness TNT provided some handy dandy toe tags that contain our identification and emergency contact information. Just in case I end up tripping and knock myself unconscious. But…oh wait….the pen wasn’t working right when I was filling out my toe tag so instead of my information there’s just smeared ink. GREAT!!!!
And then there's the singing......I'm not talking about good singing either......envision the scene from Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts is singing Prince in the bathtub with the walkman on.....that’s me, but it gets worse.....I'm usually signing along to rap, and we are not talking about Black Eyed Peas Rap; I'm talking about GANGSTA rap….underground Little Wayne.....early Eminem and Jay Z (before they became pop artists).....Nappy Roots.....Rick Ross…..DMX….T.I
I'm talking about the kind of rap that usually doesn't make it to the airways because of its inappropriateness. And most of the time I'm singing at a ridiculously loud level because I have the music blaring in my ear buds and can't hear myself. But I know it happens from the shock and horrified faces of people as I pass by......oops sorry neighbors!!
The thing is this is the type of music that can keep me moving through 8 miles or more. It's the music world's version of cursing.....just sometimes the bad word's are bleeped out. But it helps me to escape from my head so that all I'm doing is moving to the beats....nothing more...nothing less, and it works. However many passersby I scare, it still works.
And for this first 8 mile run it was really what got me through the majority of the run, but there were some glitches that I was not prepared for:
Mile 1 - goes pretty much as I described above, I'm stumbling around trying to get into my groove (also Jennifer and I had lost the team so there was a little rambling around asking people on bikes if they saw 20 or so runners pass by them....woops!!).
Mile 2 - Jennifer has moved on ahead and decides to start tossing out my tissues and what not from her pockets onto the sidewalk for me to grab, while simultaneously using disturbing hand gestures to notify me that there is a GIANT HILL ahead (not that I didn't see it coming since she was on top of it as I was running up from the base, silly little Mini!).
Mile 2.5 - Reach top of said ridiculous hill and go to turn onto Elm when THE DIXIE CHICKS pops onto my iPod!!! WHAT I roar as I come to a halt!!! There is nothing pavement pounding about the Dixie Chicks for me!!! Thus it takes me half a mile or so to fumble around tearing off gloves, searching through three layers of clothing, to find where I had clipped that devilish little iPod. Then a few minutes are spent perusing through the playlist to see how this insane mishap could have happened...identify appropriate mind numbing T.I. song...then return to my version of running.
Mile 3 - Didn't someone mention something about a water station being somewhere here? I was late for the initial meeting so I hadn't quite gotten all the details so........guess that means no water for me. BLASTED!!! I knew I should have kept that ridiculous looking water belt/enormous fanny pack on!!!
Mile 4 - Have seen everyone pass by me, a little disheartening since I have not lived up to my mental images of the Nike runners and am dawdling along at the back of the pack....but then I realize....HAHA....I am "JUST DOING IT!!!!" So be damned little running models, I will not feel disheartened any longer....I am the MARATHON PRINCESS!!!!
Mile 5-7 I am empowered by said revelation and am cruising at my own pace, happy to be running at this ungodly hour of a Saturday morning (I think that's what they call the runners high kicking in!!).
SCREEEEECH!! All of a sudden my iPod dies completely and it’s as if my mind and body are slapped into the reality that we have just ran 7 miles and then EVERYTHING HURTS!!! So I'm no longer running but I convince my legs to keep peddling forward .......if for nothing else then the fact that I have to get back to the car!!!
And that’s when I see coach Jim running across the road. UH-OH!!! I’m so slow they sent out the rescue team!!!
“How are you?” he says.
“I’m GREAT!!” I exclaim….a little to eagerly.
“Do you want me to call ahead to have someone pick us up?” he asks.
FANTASTIC!!! I am now forever going to be known as THAT girl. You know, the one who always had a doctor’s note in gym class when it came time to run the timed mile. HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOO!!!
“I’m good,” I respond. “I’m not really trying to break any time records here…….I’m just trying to get it done…hehe.”
And so we progress along for the next mile chatting away. Coach Jim provides lots of useful information about his first marathon and training in general. Great conversation for the most park until he mentions ultra marathoners!!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little!! The sheer thought of having to train for a 50, 100 or 150 mile marathon starts to make my knees quiver……
But, all in all, not a bad first distance run. I managed to complete the 8 mile trek having run 6.5 miles of it….the most I’ve ever run in my life….so I’m pleased!! I did not break or sprain anything and I managed to contain myself from vomiting in anyone’s front lawn!! I have learned some valuable lessons about properly preparing my equipment BEFORE beginning a run, and am now privy to the super secret hidden water jug location!!!
Can’t wait for my next distance run!!!! Oh wait its only 5 miles…………..YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Of course reality is a world away from my subconscious and the actual visual affects of me running are like a comical skit from the Cohen brothers. I'm not sleek like a gazelle; I'm more of a water buffalo. You are almost guaranteed to hear an insane amount of cursing for the first mile or so, until my breathing begins to interfere with my cursing. I'm profoundly klutzy so at any moment you might be able to catch a glimpse of me tripping over an imaginary rock or flying sideways off the curb (this happens VERY OFTEN). Thank goodness TNT provided some handy dandy toe tags that contain our identification and emergency contact information. Just in case I end up tripping and knock myself unconscious. But…oh wait….the pen wasn’t working right when I was filling out my toe tag so instead of my information there’s just smeared ink. GREAT!!!!
And then there's the singing......I'm not talking about good singing either......envision the scene from Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts is singing Prince in the bathtub with the walkman on.....that’s me, but it gets worse.....I'm usually signing along to rap, and we are not talking about Black Eyed Peas Rap; I'm talking about GANGSTA rap….underground Little Wayne.....early Eminem and Jay Z (before they became pop artists).....Nappy Roots.....Rick Ross…..DMX….T.I
I'm talking about the kind of rap that usually doesn't make it to the airways because of its inappropriateness. And most of the time I'm singing at a ridiculously loud level because I have the music blaring in my ear buds and can't hear myself. But I know it happens from the shock and horrified faces of people as I pass by......oops sorry neighbors!!
The thing is this is the type of music that can keep me moving through 8 miles or more. It's the music world's version of cursing.....just sometimes the bad word's are bleeped out. But it helps me to escape from my head so that all I'm doing is moving to the beats....nothing more...nothing less, and it works. However many passersby I scare, it still works.
And for this first 8 mile run it was really what got me through the majority of the run, but there were some glitches that I was not prepared for:
Mile 1 - goes pretty much as I described above, I'm stumbling around trying to get into my groove (also Jennifer and I had lost the team so there was a little rambling around asking people on bikes if they saw 20 or so runners pass by them....woops!!).
Mile 2 - Jennifer has moved on ahead and decides to start tossing out my tissues and what not from her pockets onto the sidewalk for me to grab, while simultaneously using disturbing hand gestures to notify me that there is a GIANT HILL ahead (not that I didn't see it coming since she was on top of it as I was running up from the base, silly little Mini!).
Mile 2.5 - Reach top of said ridiculous hill and go to turn onto Elm when THE DIXIE CHICKS pops onto my iPod!!! WHAT I roar as I come to a halt!!! There is nothing pavement pounding about the Dixie Chicks for me!!! Thus it takes me half a mile or so to fumble around tearing off gloves, searching through three layers of clothing, to find where I had clipped that devilish little iPod. Then a few minutes are spent perusing through the playlist to see how this insane mishap could have happened...identify appropriate mind numbing T.I. song...then return to my version of running.
Mile 3 - Didn't someone mention something about a water station being somewhere here? I was late for the initial meeting so I hadn't quite gotten all the details so........guess that means no water for me. BLASTED!!! I knew I should have kept that ridiculous looking water belt/enormous fanny pack on!!!
Mile 4 - Have seen everyone pass by me, a little disheartening since I have not lived up to my mental images of the Nike runners and am dawdling along at the back of the pack....but then I realize....HAHA....I am "JUST DOING IT!!!!" So be damned little running models, I will not feel disheartened any longer....I am the MARATHON PRINCESS!!!!
Mile 5-7 I am empowered by said revelation and am cruising at my own pace, happy to be running at this ungodly hour of a Saturday morning (I think that's what they call the runners high kicking in!!).
SCREEEEECH!! All of a sudden my iPod dies completely and it’s as if my mind and body are slapped into the reality that we have just ran 7 miles and then EVERYTHING HURTS!!! So I'm no longer running but I convince my legs to keep peddling forward .......if for nothing else then the fact that I have to get back to the car!!!
And that’s when I see coach Jim running across the road. UH-OH!!! I’m so slow they sent out the rescue team!!!
“How are you?” he says.
“I’m GREAT!!” I exclaim….a little to eagerly.
“Do you want me to call ahead to have someone pick us up?” he asks.
FANTASTIC!!! I am now forever going to be known as THAT girl. You know, the one who always had a doctor’s note in gym class when it came time to run the timed mile. HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOO!!!
“I’m good,” I respond. “I’m not really trying to break any time records here…….I’m just trying to get it done…hehe.”
And so we progress along for the next mile chatting away. Coach Jim provides lots of useful information about his first marathon and training in general. Great conversation for the most park until he mentions ultra marathoners!!
EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little!! The sheer thought of having to train for a 50, 100 or 150 mile marathon starts to make my knees quiver……
But, all in all, not a bad first distance run. I managed to complete the 8 mile trek having run 6.5 miles of it….the most I’ve ever run in my life….so I’m pleased!! I did not break or sprain anything and I managed to contain myself from vomiting in anyone’s front lawn!! I have learned some valuable lessons about properly preparing my equipment BEFORE beginning a run, and am now privy to the super secret hidden water jug location!!!
Can’t wait for my next distance run!!!! Oh wait its only 5 miles…………..YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
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