Feel the Rhythm, Feel the Rhyme

The night before our first distance run I had an endless stream of Nike "Just Do It" commercials flowing through my subconscious. They were visions of women athletes, pounding the pavement, sand or hiking trail, effortlessly jogging at extraordinary speeds, in perfect form, through the desserts of Arizona, the mountains of Oregon, the sidewalks of Manhattan, or the beaches of Florida. "That's how I want to look out there," is the mantra that kept playing over and over in my head.


Of course reality is a world away from my subconscious and the actual visual affects of me running are like a comical skit from the Cohen brothers. I'm not sleek like a gazelle; I'm more of a water buffalo. You are almost guaranteed to hear an insane amount of cursing for the first mile or so, until my breathing begins to interfere with my cursing. I'm profoundly klutzy so at any moment you might be able to catch a glimpse of me tripping over an imaginary rock or flying sideways off the curb (this happens VERY OFTEN). Thank goodness TNT provided some handy dandy toe tags that contain our identification and emergency contact information. Just in case I end up tripping and knock myself unconscious. But…oh wait….the pen wasn’t working right when I was filling out my toe tag so instead of my information there’s just smeared ink. GREAT!!!!

And then there's the singing......I'm not talking about good singing either......envision the scene from Pretty Woman when Julia Roberts is singing Prince in the bathtub with the walkman on.....that’s me, but it gets worse.....I'm usually signing along to rap, and we are not talking about Black Eyed Peas Rap; I'm talking about GANGSTA rap….underground Little Wayne.....early Eminem and Jay Z (before they became pop artists).....Nappy Roots.....Rick Ross…..DMX….T.I

I'm talking about the kind of rap that usually doesn't make it to the airways because of its inappropriateness. And most of the time I'm singing at a ridiculously loud level because I have the music blaring in my ear buds and can't hear myself. But I know it happens from the shock and horrified faces of people as I pass by......oops sorry neighbors!!

The thing is this is the type of music that can keep me moving through 8 miles or more. It's the music world's version of cursing.....just sometimes the bad word's are bleeped out. But it helps me to escape from my head so that all I'm doing is moving to the beats....nothing more...nothing less, and it works. However many passersby I scare, it still works.

And for this first 8 mile run it was really what got me through the majority of the run, but there were some glitches that I was not prepared for:

Mile 1 - goes pretty much as I described above, I'm stumbling around trying to get into my groove (also Jennifer and I had lost the team so there was a little rambling around asking people on bikes if they saw 20 or so runners pass by them....woops!!).

Mile 2 - Jennifer has moved on ahead and decides to start tossing out my tissues and what not from her pockets onto the sidewalk for me to grab, while simultaneously using disturbing hand gestures to notify me that there is a GIANT HILL ahead (not that I didn't see it coming since she was on top of it as I was running up from the base, silly little Mini!).

Mile 2.5 - Reach top of said ridiculous hill and go to turn onto Elm when THE DIXIE CHICKS pops onto my iPod!!! WHAT I roar as I come to a halt!!! There is nothing pavement pounding about the Dixie Chicks for me!!! Thus it takes me half a mile or so to fumble around tearing off gloves, searching through three layers of clothing, to find where I had clipped that devilish little iPod. Then a few minutes are spent perusing through the playlist to see how this insane mishap could have happened...identify appropriate mind numbing T.I. song...then return to my version of running.

Mile 3 - Didn't someone mention something about a water station being somewhere here? I was late for the initial meeting so I hadn't quite gotten all the details so........guess that means no water for me. BLASTED!!! I knew I should have kept that ridiculous looking water belt/enormous fanny pack on!!!

Mile 4 - Have seen everyone pass by me, a little disheartening since I have not lived up to my mental images of the Nike runners and am dawdling along at the back of the pack....but then I realize....HAHA....I am "JUST DOING IT!!!!" So be damned little running models, I will not feel disheartened any longer....I am the MARATHON PRINCESS!!!!

Mile 5-7 I am empowered by said revelation and am cruising at my own pace, happy to be running at this ungodly hour of a Saturday morning (I think that's what they call the runners high kicking in!!).

SCREEEEECH!! All of a sudden my iPod dies completely and it’s as if my mind and body are slapped into the reality that we have just ran 7 miles and then EVERYTHING HURTS!!! So I'm no longer running but I convince my legs to keep peddling forward .......if for nothing else then the fact that I have to get back to the car!!!

And that’s when I see coach Jim running across the road. UH-OH!!! I’m so slow they sent out the rescue team!!!

“How are you?” he says.

“I’m GREAT!!” I exclaim….a little to eagerly.

“Do you want me to call ahead to have someone pick us up?” he asks.

FANTASTIC!!! I am now forever going to be known as THAT girl. You know, the one who always had a doctor’s note in gym class when it came time to run the timed mile. HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOO!!!

“I’m good,” I respond. “I’m not really trying to break any time records here…….I’m just trying to get it done…hehe.”

And so we progress along for the next mile chatting away. Coach Jim provides lots of useful information about his first marathon and training in general. Great conversation for the most park until he mentions ultra marathoners!!

EWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little!! The sheer thought of having to train for a 50, 100 or 150 mile marathon starts to make my knees quiver……

But, all in all, not a bad first distance run. I managed to complete the 8 mile trek having run 6.5 miles of it….the most I’ve ever run in my life….so I’m pleased!! I did not break or sprain anything and I managed to contain myself from vomiting in anyone’s front lawn!! I have learned some valuable lessons about properly preparing my equipment BEFORE beginning a run, and am now privy to the super secret hidden water jug location!!!

Can’t wait for my next distance run!!!! Oh wait its only 5 miles…………..YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!